Brett Ratner

In today's edition we confront a pressing question - is Brett Ratner good for the Jews?

A few weeks ago, Brett Ratner performed what "New York" called a "guerrilla" mezuzah ceremony whereby he and a Chabad Rabbi attached two mezuzahs to a newly renovated hotel in Miami. That takes chutzpah, to say the least. Bretty was repping for the Jews who, as we know, turn into delicious pastries called "hamentashen" if they stay overnight in a dwelling which lacks a mezuzah. It is this transformative state of the Jew that inspired the hats worn by both the British and the Americans during the Revolutionary War. This was George Washington's favorite hat and is still worn today by people who have a poor grasp of reality.

Additionally, Ratner has directed a movie loved by Jews throughout the world and is only third to "Fiddler on the Roof" and "Yentel" on most Jews' "must watch" list - "X-Men: The Last Stand." This is a movie considered by many teenage boys with acne to be one the greatest movies of all time. It is often these same boys who grow up to become Sergey Brin and Mark Zuckerberg, who basically control the world.

At the same time, Ratner is slated to direct both "Rush Hour 4" and "Beverly Hills Cop IV," two movies that do not need to be made and will result in many rich Jews losing millions because, for some reason, they will inevitably pump money in these likely flops the same way they pumped money into the 100 worst movies of all time. Among these are "Daddy Day Camp," directed by Fred Savage (a Jew). "Daddy Day Camp" is also considered the movie that put the superfluous nail in the coffin of Cuba Gooding Jr.'s career. Many people once loved Cuba Gooding Jr., and are likely to blame the Jews for his current state of affairs.

Still, Ratner redeems himself by having dated a woman that many Jews fantasize about - Serena Williams. Jews are known for their bootylicious tendencies.

Accordingly, the pros outweigh the cons, and our boychik BRETT RATNER is a real mensch who is GOOD FOR THE JEWS.